Weigh In #…Whatever

22 04 2010

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Wow… it’s been awhile since I wrote. Whoops. I had a final this week, and my days seem to bleed into the night and the next thing I know it’s four days later and I have nothing to show for it. I’m a 20 year old college student. 420 was this week. So it was kind of a wash.

On Friday I weighed in at 194, and somehow by Monday I was at 202. I like to call it the perfect storm of crap. Pre-Tom hardcore water retention? Check. Weekend of debauchery waiting until Monday to slap me in the face? Check. It’s my own fault and I need to take control of this situation, but I’m taking a responsibility vacation right now.

I’m done this semester of school and in a couple of months I will be uprooting my life and moving to a city where I know almost no one. (My sister will be moving there with her boyfriend, but we aren’t super close) It will be my first time on my own and I’m absolutely terrified. So right now I’m taking the opportunity to chill out and have fun before life gets intense.

“Let us not underestimate the privileges of the mediocre. Life becomes harder and harder as it approaches the heights- the coldness increases, the responsibility increases.” – Friedrich Nietzsche. I get really scared when things are going right and instead of letting myself get to the top, I jump off when I’m still close to the bottom. I think this rebellious streak might be my attempt to check out and not have to think about anything.  I don’t want to be mediocre, but it’s hard to break my patterns.

My posts may be sporadic as I work through whatever this is, but I’m still here, and I really love and appreciate all of the comments.

Oh… my “Ohh shit” weigh in picture…


Right Now I’d Eat My Own Hand

15 04 2010

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Hi everyone! Thanks for all the comments while I was sick! They made me feel so much better. 🙂

I thought I was doing better on Tuesday and went for a two mile run. Baaad idea. I hadn’t had nearly enough water/fluids, or food throughout the day. But I’m doing great now. I think the sickness was mostly do to my extracurricular activities on the weekend. I don’t drink much. Partly because a lot of my close friends have moved away over the last year, and partly because I know drinking and weight loss don’t go hand in hand. But every once in awhile…a girl has to have some fun.

On Friday I hung out with my friends Cody and Zach, played poker for shots of rye (yuck) and eventually fell asleep on their couch. Saturday was pretty much the same, except Lane (their other roommate), and Matt came too. More poker…beer… something called Newfie poker. All of that equals Jen being somewhat tipsy. I didn’t eat anything either night, mostly because it’s a house full of boys and all they seem to eat is Kraft Dinner. Seriously… there was nothing in their fridge besides beer… but they had a cupboard full of like five different kinds of Kraft Dinner. I hate Kraft Dinner.

I took a few pictures on Saturday night of Cody and Matt attempting to build card towers while intoxicated… Matt did really well, but I don’t want to post his picture without asking him, and none of my friends know about the blog, so…. no picture. But… I do have one picture that I think is really cool. I was trying to take a picture of Cody (which he didn’t want me to do), so he’s not actually in the picture. I just think the beer bottle looks really weird… almost cartoonish, and I think it’s cool.

In other news… my eating over the weekend wasn’t fantastic, so I decided to do a detox of sorts. I started yesterday and I’m doing it today for sure, maybe tomorrow as well. Basically I’m just eating raw fruits and vegetables, smoothies (with some added yogurt), and apparently almonds. They weren’t in the plan, but at about 11 last night I was craving carbs like crazy and really wanted to eat about 6 english muffins. Instead I had 10 almonds.

The point of this is to jump start my body. I’ve had less than stellar weight loss the past couple of weeks, and except for last weekend, my eating and exercise have been great, so I’m not sure what the problem is. Even if this doesn’t kick off any great weight loss, how bad can eating fruits and veggies be? I took some pictures of my lunch today…

Clockwise from top left: Yellow bell pepper, pineapple, strawberry, apple, cucumber

Smoothie with lots of ice, strawberries, two bananas, vanilla + peach yogurt. This is half of it. The other half is in the fridge for later. It was really good. However… I’m still feeling like I want to eat my own hand. And I can’t even look at food without wanting to eat it. I was trying to watch Top Chef earlier… no go.

The biggest test of this will come later tonight… My mom is going to The Keg with my sister for dinner, and she usually always brings me left overs. I love the food there so much, but I’m almost hoping she doesn’t bring anything. But I guess if I can ignore the english muffins on the counter, tofu, my favorite meatless buffalo wings, soup, chicken dumplings, etc, I can ignore some leftovers for a little while. Oh lord, now I’m hungry again.

I have to weigh in tomorrow for a challenge, so I guess that will be a good indicator of how this is going. I didn’t weigh in on Monday because of the sickness, but I would guess that I was probably around 198. Granted, a lot of that was most likely water weight, but a huge chunk of it was alcohol and crap eating too. We shall see.

Happy Thursday everyone! Funny story… I woke up this morning and thought it was Saturday. Maybe the fruit is messing with my brain.

I Guess I Asked For This

12 04 2010

No weigh in this week. I’m sick like a dog, and it’s hard enough to get out of bed, let alone weigh in, take the necessary pictures, and upload all of it to my computer. Besides, I drank at least a litre of fluids before I remembered that it’s Monday, so my weigh in would be off anyways.

My mom was sick all weekend, but I assumed I would be fine and didn’t do anything to stop myself from getting sick. In fact, I probably just increased my chances of catching what she had. I went out with my friends both Friday and Saturday night and didn’t get home until around 6a.m.-ish, only got 4 or so hours of sleep each night, and didn’t eat very well. I was pretty much asking for it. But I haven’t seen these friends for awhile, and it was a lot of fun. I’ll tell you more about it once I stop feeling like poop.

Alive And Kicking

8 04 2010

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I’m still  here. For the last couple of days I’ve been trying to refocus and remember that it’s about the big picture, not one week, no matter how good or bad. I’m still doing fine with eating, though I sometimes wonder if it may be the issue that is keeping the weight from coming off. I spend a lot of time contemplating whether I’m eating too much or too little, too much fat, protein, carbs, sodium, or too little fruits and vegetables. I know that all calories are not created equal, and I sometimes feel uneasy about what I eat, and how much. I think that in the coming weeks I might make an appointment with a nutritionist so I can pinpoint any problems with my eating and fix them.

I know I should switch up my workout routine, but I have such a hard time doing it. I love running. It’s challenging, it’s an outlet for stress, and it makes me feel really good. I have a tendency to neglect every other exercise except for running  because it’s really the only thing I want to do. But in the next week I’ll definitely be incorporating some other activities.

I said I was going to post my weigh in on Tuesday, but I didn’t. I weighed myself that morning and it was basically the same. I still have the picture from Monday on my camera, but I just don’t feel like posting it. I’ll probably just combine it with my next weigh in and post both pictures on Monday.

I hope everyone is having a good week!

Bad Idea Monday

5 04 2010

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Last week was very strange for me. It was the first time I had done everything I was supposed to do and didn’t see results. Blame it on my monthly visitor, blame it on stress, blame it on Tiger Woods, whatever the reason, it really threw me off. I spent the entire week feeling like I was trying to play catch up and I couldn’t do it fast enough. Or at all. Last Monday I weighed in at 197.5, up a pound from the week before. I was confident that it was purely water weight and in a couple of days I would see the loss. Apparently not. I weighed in on Friday for a challenge and was at 196.5. Down a pound.

I really tried to let it not bother me. I had a really good weekend. Went out to my dad’s house on Saturday and ate really well, small portions and no carrot cake, which is a huge weakness of mine. Sunday I went for sushi with my mom, my sister and my sister’s boyfriend. I only eat there once or twice a year so I probably overindulged a bit. Or a lot. But there’s no way it was anymore near enough to counteract all of my other days of great eating and exercising. But lo and behold, I’m up half a pound from Friday, but down half a pound from last Monday’s weigh in. Logic says that sushi has a ridiculous amount of sodium, so I’ve decided that I will weigh in again tomorrow morning to see if there’s any change.

My biggest problem with this has never been struggling with the eating or the exercising. Those things seem to come naturally once I commit. My problem is patience. I want it to happen now. So much so that I set these unrealistic goals and then I’m really disappointed and upset when I can’t meet them. My goal this week is to just relax. This isn’t some crash diet. I’m not on the Biggest Loser. This is something I want to do for the rest of my life, so I think I just need to settle in and find a happy place between killing myself to lose weight quickly and saying screw everything and gaining it all back.

I did weigh in this morning, including the scale picture, but I’m gonna hold off on posting it until tomorrow. If it’s pretty much the same I’ll just use today’s weight and then go from there. If it’s a drastic change I’ll take a new picture. Either way, my weekly weigh in post will be up tomorrow.

Thank you for the comments! I really appreciate the advice and support!

Dark Clouds

2 04 2010

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I’m not having the greatest day/week. On Monday I had a 1lb gain, which I blamed on being in the middle of my least favorite time of the month. It’s now Friday, and I weighed in this morning for a challenge, and  I’m only down a pound from Monday. So in almost two weeks, nothing has happened? WTF?! I’ve tracked my calories every single day, and the highest was 1650 or something, but it was generally around 1400 a day. I ran four days last week, did yoga, and the 30 day shred. This week I’ve run two days so far and did the card workout I talked about in yesterday’s post.

I know there are plenty of reasons to explain this. I still feel like I’m retaining a lot of water. I’ve been exercising a lot more and that could have something to do with it. But it’s so frustrating. Last year when I was doing this I never had weeks like this. I had bad weeks of course, but there was always a reason for them. Like… the week of my birthday I gained 2 or 3 lbs because I was drinking and went out to dinner with my family twice. Or… a week I was lazy and only exercised once and didn’t eat great. I never once had a week where I was doing everything I was supposed to and saw the scale go in the opposite direction.

I think I’m even more frustrated because last year I got down to 189.5 around the end of August, and since then I’ve been hanging out in the 190’s and briefly in the 200’s. I hate the 190’s. I wanted to be out of them by the 5th or the 12th of April, but if it keeps going like this there’s no chance. I don’t know what else to do.

If there’s any silver lining here it’s that I have my eating under control. I don’t let myself do any emotional eating. So I know that as crappy as I feel about this, it’s not going to get worse because I’m trying to stuff down my feelings with junk food.

Sorry for being such a Debbie Downer today, but it definitely feels better to get this out.

I’m going for a run soon… it seems to be like therapy for me. Oh, and I joined the Daily Mile website and it makes me happy to see how many donuts and cheeseburgers I’ve burned off.

Anyways…I hope everyone has a good Friday and a great weekend!

Who You Callin Ugly?

1 04 2010

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Hi again! I know this is crazy….two posts in one day. Wacky.

Anyways… I’ve joined a society. A super secret society. Okay, not really. It’s called the Ugly Cupcake Society (see badge at right), and I think it’s awesome. “Cupcakes” are the people who fit that ideal standard of beauty. They’re fit, tan, with perfectly highlighted and styled hair, and waxed within an inch of their life. Being an Ugly Cupcake is about being the best person you can be and not being fake or trying to be something you aren’t.

It’s a wonderful idea and if you’d like to join you can click on the badge in my sidebar. Seriously! Join!