29 04 2010

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Hey all…

Sorry for being so MIA lately, but I’ve been trying to get my sh*t together, and I’m happy to report that it’s now in a neat little pile.

I can pinpoint a lot of reasons for my recent need to escape reality, but I’m just going to let it all go and move on. Unfortunately that 8lbs stuck around a lot longer than I would like. I think it was probably only 2 or 3 real pounds and a lot of water retention to begin with, but my horrible eating and lack of exercise over the last week made the gain a little more permanent. 5lbs. Shiiiiit. It’s really not surprising, considering my exercise last week was…wait for it…. .40 miles. Make sure you notice the . before the 4. Not 40 miles…. 0.40 miles. Ridiculous. Pathetic.

This week, including Sunday, I’ve run 17 miles so far, so I think it’s safe to say I’m back on track.

Sometimes though… I think I’m five years old. I had to bribe myself to run yesterday, with a cookie. Okay, it may have been two cookies, but they were small. Since I did six miles, I think it was okay.

I had three miles scheduled for today, but have only done 1 so far. I’m alright with it, considering my mileage for week, and the reason I stopped at one mile. It’s not because I didn’t feel like it, or there was something else I wanted to do. My legs were ridiculously tight and I started cramping almost immediately. I’ve gotten really good at making my cramps go away, by focusing on my breathing and pinching the area that hurts (it sounds weird but I swear it works), but nothing would make this cramp go away. I also kept burping…. and it tasted like Root Beer. I know I probably shouldn’t share things like that, but it was weird. Especially since I can’t remember the last time I drank Root Beer.

Anyways… I’m going to stretch and ice my legs for awhile and see if I’m up to the other 2 miles later tonight. Hope everyone is having a great week!


Thanks For The Laugh

25 04 2010

I need to preface this post with a simple statement. Boys are weird. I grew up with the idea of men as distant, emotionally stunted (by design or by choice, I wasn’t sure), strong and solid. This, I’m sure, has everything to do with my father, who I’ve only seen cry once, and who I wouldn’t be surprised to see stand still in a hurricane as the world goes flying by him. Anyways, to my surprise, and alternately my excitement and disappointment, men are not like this. They are as emotional and unstable as the rest of us, even more so, in a lot of cases. Where am I going with this? Let me explain…

There’s this guy, let’s call him…screw it, his name is Zach. (What are the chances he’ll read this anyways?) We very briefly dated two years ago. And when I say brief, I mean it in the blink and you’ll miss it kind of way. I can summarize our relationship in a sentence. Dinner, movie, fight, makeup, fight, fight, fight, car door slam, obscenities, end scene. It was bad. And it caused a lot of problems because we had the same friends. It’s taken a long time, but we’ve become friends again. It was going smoothly, until a few days ago. I’ve been hanging out with him and another friend of ours a lot, and as far as I know, I’ve been treating them both the same way. As in, I haven’t been buddies with one, and batting my eyelashes at the other. So I’m not sure why this is happening…

Anyways… a couple of days ago I was spending the night at their house on the couch, and he texted me asking if I wanted to come sleep in his bed. First of all… you really couldn’t walk up the stairs to ask me? Laaaame. Not like I would have said yes anyways. I said no, in the nicest way possible, blaming it on the alcohol, and went to sleep. He tried to get me to stay there again last night, and I said no and came home instead.

On to the funny stuff… Tonight we were texting back and forth, and he started asking me weird questions, like who I was texting yesterday and who I’ve been talking to, and refused to explain why he was asking. He’s kind of strange, so I let it go. A few minutes ago we were talking about this show we both watch and he asked what season I was up to. I answered him and asked him the same question. This is the reply I got.

“Starting the second. So what’s your story? Many boyfriends?”

I couldn’t help myself, I burst out laughing. And my response was “Whaaat?”

I finally answered him, and asked why he wanted to know. “Just wondering.” Suuuure.

I have a feeling this is going to get very awkward. I need to figure out a way to tell him I only want to be friends without either hurting his feelings or bruising his ego, because I’m pretty sure if either of those happen, he’ll go back into jerk mode and I won’t be able to hang out with him or two of my other friends who are his roommates. And it’s really easy to hurt his feelings. He’s ridiculously sensitive.

Heeeeeeelp me. What do I do? Just ignore the weirdness? Pretend I don’t notice? That’s my only game plan right now.

Weigh In #…Whatever

22 04 2010

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Wow… it’s been awhile since I wrote. Whoops. I had a final this week, and my days seem to bleed into the night and the next thing I know it’s four days later and I have nothing to show for it. I’m a 20 year old college student. 420 was this week. So it was kind of a wash.

On Friday I weighed in at 194, and somehow by Monday I was at 202. I like to call it the perfect storm of crap. Pre-Tom hardcore water retention? Check. Weekend of debauchery waiting until Monday to slap me in the face? Check. It’s my own fault and I need to take control of this situation, but I’m taking a responsibility vacation right now.

I’m done this semester of school and in a couple of months I will be uprooting my life and moving to a city where I know almost no one. (My sister will be moving there with her boyfriend, but we aren’t super close) It will be my first time on my own and I’m absolutely terrified. So right now I’m taking the opportunity to chill out and have fun before life gets intense.

“Let us not underestimate the privileges of the mediocre. Life becomes harder and harder as it approaches the heights- the coldness increases, the responsibility increases.” – Friedrich Nietzsche. I get really scared when things are going right and instead of letting myself get to the top, I jump off when I’m still close to the bottom. I think this rebellious streak might be my attempt to check out and not have to think about anything.  I don’t want to be mediocre, but it’s hard to break my patterns.

My posts may be sporadic as I work through whatever this is, but I’m still here, and I really love and appreciate all of the comments.

Oh… my “Ohh shit” weigh in picture…

Right Now I’d Eat My Own Hand

15 04 2010

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Hi everyone! Thanks for all the comments while I was sick! They made me feel so much better. 🙂

I thought I was doing better on Tuesday and went for a two mile run. Baaad idea. I hadn’t had nearly enough water/fluids, or food throughout the day. But I’m doing great now. I think the sickness was mostly do to my extracurricular activities on the weekend. I don’t drink much. Partly because a lot of my close friends have moved away over the last year, and partly because I know drinking and weight loss don’t go hand in hand. But every once in awhile…a girl has to have some fun.

On Friday I hung out with my friends Cody and Zach, played poker for shots of rye (yuck) and eventually fell asleep on their couch. Saturday was pretty much the same, except Lane (their other roommate), and Matt came too. More poker…beer… something called Newfie poker. All of that equals Jen being somewhat tipsy. I didn’t eat anything either night, mostly because it’s a house full of boys and all they seem to eat is Kraft Dinner. Seriously… there was nothing in their fridge besides beer… but they had a cupboard full of like five different kinds of Kraft Dinner. I hate Kraft Dinner.

I took a few pictures on Saturday night of Cody and Matt attempting to build card towers while intoxicated… Matt did really well, but I don’t want to post his picture without asking him, and none of my friends know about the blog, so…. no picture. But… I do have one picture that I think is really cool. I was trying to take a picture of Cody (which he didn’t want me to do), so he’s not actually in the picture. I just think the beer bottle looks really weird… almost cartoonish, and I think it’s cool.

In other news… my eating over the weekend wasn’t fantastic, so I decided to do a detox of sorts. I started yesterday and I’m doing it today for sure, maybe tomorrow as well. Basically I’m just eating raw fruits and vegetables, smoothies (with some added yogurt), and apparently almonds. They weren’t in the plan, but at about 11 last night I was craving carbs like crazy and really wanted to eat about 6 english muffins. Instead I had 10 almonds.

The point of this is to jump start my body. I’ve had less than stellar weight loss the past couple of weeks, and except for last weekend, my eating and exercise have been great, so I’m not sure what the problem is. Even if this doesn’t kick off any great weight loss, how bad can eating fruits and veggies be? I took some pictures of my lunch today…

Clockwise from top left: Yellow bell pepper, pineapple, strawberry, apple, cucumber

Smoothie with lots of ice, strawberries, two bananas, vanilla + peach yogurt. This is half of it. The other half is in the fridge for later. It was really good. However… I’m still feeling like I want to eat my own hand. And I can’t even look at food without wanting to eat it. I was trying to watch Top Chef earlier… no go.

The biggest test of this will come later tonight… My mom is going to The Keg with my sister for dinner, and she usually always brings me left overs. I love the food there so much, but I’m almost hoping she doesn’t bring anything. But I guess if I can ignore the english muffins on the counter, tofu, my favorite meatless buffalo wings, soup, chicken dumplings, etc, I can ignore some leftovers for a little while. Oh lord, now I’m hungry again.

I have to weigh in tomorrow for a challenge, so I guess that will be a good indicator of how this is going. I didn’t weigh in on Monday because of the sickness, but I would guess that I was probably around 198. Granted, a lot of that was most likely water weight, but a huge chunk of it was alcohol and crap eating too. We shall see.

Happy Thursday everyone! Funny story… I woke up this morning and thought it was Saturday. Maybe the fruit is messing with my brain.

I Guess I Asked For This

12 04 2010

No weigh in this week. I’m sick like a dog, and it’s hard enough to get out of bed, let alone weigh in, take the necessary pictures, and upload all of it to my computer. Besides, I drank at least a litre of fluids before I remembered that it’s Monday, so my weigh in would be off anyways.

My mom was sick all weekend, but I assumed I would be fine and didn’t do anything to stop myself from getting sick. In fact, I probably just increased my chances of catching what she had. I went out with my friends both Friday and Saturday night and didn’t get home until around 6a.m.-ish, only got 4 or so hours of sleep each night, and didn’t eat very well. I was pretty much asking for it. But I haven’t seen these friends for awhile, and it was a lot of fun. I’ll tell you more about it once I stop feeling like poop.

Alive And Kicking

8 04 2010

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I’m still  here. For the last couple of days I’ve been trying to refocus and remember that it’s about the big picture, not one week, no matter how good or bad. I’m still doing fine with eating, though I sometimes wonder if it may be the issue that is keeping the weight from coming off. I spend a lot of time contemplating whether I’m eating too much or too little, too much fat, protein, carbs, sodium, or too little fruits and vegetables. I know that all calories are not created equal, and I sometimes feel uneasy about what I eat, and how much. I think that in the coming weeks I might make an appointment with a nutritionist so I can pinpoint any problems with my eating and fix them.

I know I should switch up my workout routine, but I have such a hard time doing it. I love running. It’s challenging, it’s an outlet for stress, and it makes me feel really good. I have a tendency to neglect every other exercise except for running  because it’s really the only thing I want to do. But in the next week I’ll definitely be incorporating some other activities.

I said I was going to post my weigh in on Tuesday, but I didn’t. I weighed myself that morning and it was basically the same. I still have the picture from Monday on my camera, but I just don’t feel like posting it. I’ll probably just combine it with my next weigh in and post both pictures on Monday.

I hope everyone is having a good week!

Bad Idea Monday

5 04 2010

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Last week was very strange for me. It was the first time I had done everything I was supposed to do and didn’t see results. Blame it on my monthly visitor, blame it on stress, blame it on Tiger Woods, whatever the reason, it really threw me off. I spent the entire week feeling like I was trying to play catch up and I couldn’t do it fast enough. Or at all. Last Monday I weighed in at 197.5, up a pound from the week before. I was confident that it was purely water weight and in a couple of days I would see the loss. Apparently not. I weighed in on Friday for a challenge and was at 196.5. Down a pound.

I really tried to let it not bother me. I had a really good weekend. Went out to my dad’s house on Saturday and ate really well, small portions and no carrot cake, which is a huge weakness of mine. Sunday I went for sushi with my mom, my sister and my sister’s boyfriend. I only eat there once or twice a year so I probably overindulged a bit. Or a lot. But there’s no way it was anymore near enough to counteract all of my other days of great eating and exercising. But lo and behold, I’m up half a pound from Friday, but down half a pound from last Monday’s weigh in. Logic says that sushi has a ridiculous amount of sodium, so I’ve decided that I will weigh in again tomorrow morning to see if there’s any change.

My biggest problem with this has never been struggling with the eating or the exercising. Those things seem to come naturally once I commit. My problem is patience. I want it to happen now. So much so that I set these unrealistic goals and then I’m really disappointed and upset when I can’t meet them. My goal this week is to just relax. This isn’t some crash diet. I’m not on the Biggest Loser. This is something I want to do for the rest of my life, so I think I just need to settle in and find a happy place between killing myself to lose weight quickly and saying screw everything and gaining it all back.

I did weigh in this morning, including the scale picture, but I’m gonna hold off on posting it until tomorrow. If it’s pretty much the same I’ll just use today’s weight and then go from there. If it’s a drastic change I’ll take a new picture. Either way, my weekly weigh in post will be up tomorrow.

Thank you for the comments! I really appreciate the advice and support!