Candy Hearts And Crying Spells

3 02 2010

[picapp align=”left” wrap=”false” link=”term=heart&iid=294029″ src=”0290/0169c33d-901f-4526-bc10-c0d5357c9ba5.jpg?adImageId=9860729&imageId=294029″ width=”380″ height=”277″ /]

As we all know…. Valentine’s Day is almost upon us. It’s a notoriously depressing time of the year for both the loved and the loveless. It’s an occasion that ties together the value of products, and the value of your love. I fondly remember Elementary School when Valentine’s were given to everyone and it was a holiday about the acquisition of candy, not affection.

Admittedly, I’ve never had a good Valentine’s Day and I can blame this on my horrific love life. But, in the spirit of turning my misfortune into humor, here are some of my worst moments in the dating game.

1. My most recent relationship was very short, and very tumultuous. He was the best friend of a very good friend of mine, which complicated things even further. He was also a ginormous douche. We got into an argument one night, and instead of maturely discussing the issue with me, he handed the phone to the girl he was hanging out with, who proceeded to call to me a crazy bitch. Later, after the issue was somewhat resolved, he brought it up again, and thought it was hilarious. I was already having a bad day so it didn’t take much for me to start crying. Upon seeing this, he started laughing at me. Now, I’ve seen a lot of reactions to tears, but laughing was a new one. I take great comfort in knowing that I permanently screwed up his car door with how hard I slammed it when I got out. I still see him around occasionally, and the desire to slap him hasn’t lessened at all.

2. A couple of years ago I started dating a guy quite a bit older than me. He was nice, sweet, and he adored me. It took me longer than I would like to admit for me to realize that things weren’t adding up. He was often out of touch for long-ish periods of time and emerged with poor excuses. A lot of prodding later… he revealed that he was married, and he had a child. He had even given me a fake name. He also apparently things that these are betrayals that can eventually be forgiven, as he still emails me occasionally, though I never respond.

3. When I was about 15, I met a guy I believe on a website, probably MySpace. We talked a lot online, but never met in person. He started to get weird, and was telling me stories that sounded completely made up, so I stopped talking to him. He started calling and leaving me multiple messages a day and sending me countless emails. When I didn’t respond he decided to take drastic measures. One night when I was sitting at home with both my parents (which is odd since they’re divorced. I can’t remember why my dad was over, but I can probably blame it on my horrible luck) there was a knock on the door. More like a rapid banging noise. Two cops had come over to our house after receiving a call saying I was being held hostage by an angry ex-boyfriend. After verifying my safety, they revealed the name of the person who called. I was angry, and really confused. What did he think that would accomplish? I’m assuming he just wanted to mess with me, and that was the best idea his obviously insane mind could come up with.

The only bright spot in all of this is that I must have some good love karma coming my way. At least I hope so. Or I might just become a nun.

*Image via PicApp

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