The Beginning

25 01 2010

[picapp align=”left” wrap=”false” link=”term=starting+line&iid=237532″ src=”0233/5e1dcedd-f214-4805-b01e-5220c1fb3148.jpg?adImageId=9860855&imageId=237532″ width=”370″ height=”462″ /]

Starting is always the hardest. I feel like I have to set some specific tone, first impressions are everything, right? Am I supposed to take this opportunity to tell you who I am, what I’m about, and what the essence of this blog will be? That is made substantially more difficult upon the realization that I have no idea who I am, what I’m about, or what the essence of this blog will be.

I’m 20 years old, and I feel like I’m on the edge of something. And I’m pretty sure that something is my life. The life I’ve watched from afar for a very long time. The life I’ve imagined in a million different ways late at night when sleep won’t come. It’s become very clear that the time is now. Life will not wait for me any longer. I can either jump on or get left behind. This scares the living shit out of me. I’m terrified of the unknown. When things get scary I run and hide. If nothing else, this is my attempt to finally ditch that habit and start making memories instead of regrets.

I’ve always been a contradiction of sorts. Quiet, invisible and easily forgotten in a lot of situations. I’m sure 80% of the people I went to high school with would have no idea who I was upon hearing my name, seeing my picture, or coming face to face with me. But with my family, my friends, and in situations were intoxication occurs, I am funny, outgoing, and the center of attention.  I like this version of myself infinitely more than the other, and I want to be her all the time. But besides attempting a permanent state of inebriation, I have no idea how to achieve this.

I don’t know what I want this blog to be exactly. I guess it will be whatever I need it to. An outlet for frustration, a scrapbook for fond memories, a safe place to share my secrets, a map of my life from here to whenever. My hope is that I can look back on the things I’ve written here and be able to relive the time in my life where I really found myself, as cheesy as that is.

*Image via PicApp

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